However, whenever the clock strikes between the hours of 2 and 3 am, I am given a sign. Apparently my brain has established a set time in which paranoia greets me. At the inappropriate hours of 2 to 3 am, I become antsy and feel alone. Not even the likes of youtube can aid me in this isolated state.
For the last three days, my dad has been in Florida on a business trip and well it seems as though I've gotten closer to my sister and my mother in the process. Albeit this bonding occurs from 2 to 3 in the morning. You see, when the paranoia sets in, I, speak up. Its become routine, and at first they may put forth the veil of apprehension attached with a side order of huff-and-puff, but in the end we get into these long full-fledged conversations.
The extent of the material covered is limitless:
1. money
2. careers
3. the past
4. aspirations
5. expectations
6. even about life in general.
The last topic is a little vague but in essence covers all the topics mentioned previous (1-5).
The genres of our conversations are limitless as well:
1. comedy
2. horror
3. drama
4. fantasy
5. musicals (yes, musicals! We sometimes break into song)
The emotions however, are priceless:
Anger- Toward those who have hurt us.
Annoyance- For having this take place at 2 to 3 am.
Compassion- For those who have left us.
Curiosity- Into each other's lives.
Desire- To learn more and more about each other
Disappointment- In our ability to ignore a more suitable time to speak.
Disgust- At certain decisions we have made.
Empathy- For the struggles we have overcome.
Embarrassment- For that time I put on my mom's make-up, or that time my sister peed her pants at 10 years old while dreaming, or the time my mom forgot me at a truck stop (ha ha).
Fear- Of the unknown.
Annoyance- For having this take place at 2 to 3 am.
Compassion- For those who have left us.
Curiosity- Into each other's lives.
Desire- To learn more and more about each other
Disappointment- In our ability to ignore a more suitable time to speak.
Disgust- At certain decisions we have made.
Empathy- For the struggles we have overcome.
Embarrassment- For that time I put on my mom's make-up, or that time my sister peed her pants at 10 years old while dreaming, or the time my mom forgot me at a truck stop (ha ha).
Fear- Of the unknown.
Frustration- Over the little things.
Gratitude- For the times we helped each other out.
Guilt- For the times that could have been.
Happiness- For what we have accomplished.
Hope- For what is to come.
Jealousy- That has ensued because of that sibling rivalry.
Love- Unconditionally; for one another.
Pride- In who we have become.
Rage- Against the machine (I can't recall this emotion, but check out the band, they're not too shabby, ha).
Regret- For having Dad miss these past nights.
Remorse- Toward our extended family feuds.
Sadness- For all, having to suffer through this grim economy.
Shame- For not being ourselves at times.
Surprise- By some of the things we didn't really know about each other.
Wonder- What is to come.
Gratitude- For the times we helped each other out.
Guilt- For the times that could have been.
Happiness- For what we have accomplished.
Hope- For what is to come.
Jealousy- That has ensued because of that sibling rivalry.
Love- Unconditionally; for one another.
Pride- In who we have become.
Rage- Against the machine (I can't recall this emotion, but check out the band, they're not too shabby, ha).
Regret- For having Dad miss these past nights.
Remorse- Toward our extended family feuds.
Sadness- For all, having to suffer through this grim economy.
Shame- For not being ourselves at times.
Surprise- By some of the things we didn't really know about each other.
Wonder- What is to come.
To have wonder as the last emotion is fitting. I wonder if when we continue these conversations I will experience the most desirable emotion I can imagine. The emotion I hope to conjure up within my family the most is acceptance.
But for now all I can do is hope.
Hope, they know how much they mean to me. Hope, they know how much these unorthodoxly timed conversations mean to me. Hope, they know how much their acceptance means to me. Hope, I mean as much to them as they mean to me.
I wish, 2 to 3 am would never end!
